Clearly, upsetting the children is my purpose in life

From the wailing and weeping and gnashing of teeth going on here at this very moment, you'd think I beat my children with a broomstick and made them scrub the toilets. My daughter was so upset with me that she flung herself onto her bed and told me that she wished Aunt Bimmie were here, "because she's NICE!" Unlike the mean, mean mother who had reduced the Princess to tears. My oldest son was even so upset with me that he gave me his "wounded bird" look, wherein his lower lip trembled and his eyes got all red as if he were also on the verge of tears.

It would appear that I am the Mom version of the Grinch.

What did I do to upset them so, you ask?

Spank them?

No.

Take away their new toys?

Nope.

Force them to (GASP) eat some food?

Nada.

Make them sit and listen while I read from the dictionary?

Negative.

Okay, I'll tell you what I did, but you all have to promise not to be so shocked that you run to the phone and call CPS to report me for the terrible, terrible deed I have inflicted upon my offspring.

Promise? Okay...

Here goes the confession...

...

I took down the Christmas stockings.

The EMPTY Christmas stockings.

Since Christmas was, you know, DAYS AGO.

Oh, the horror! "NO, MOMMY! NOT THE STOCKINGS! OUR STOOOOOOOOOOCKIIIIIIIIIIINGS!!!!!!"

Evidently, we neglected to explain that the stockings are not bottomless wells of candy and toys. Or something.

AND, I removed the Bible story devotional cards that were also hanging. (We did one Bible story every night before bed, modeled after the Jesse Tree idea.)

For some reason, this was even more offensive to the young residents of my home. "How can we ever again do a Bible story without the cards? We need the cards!!! THE CAAAARRRRRDDDDSSSS!!!!!!" (NEVER MIND the fact that we had been reading Bible stories with them BEFORE I ever hung the cards. Minor details.)

I have thus elected to leave the lighted garland hanging. To avoid the inevitable implosion of our home that would surely occur if I were to commit such an abomination.

I think it's naptime. Surely all this excitement has drained their energy. One can only hope.

Now, if I can just call the propane company and have them lie to me AGAIN about delivering the propane ("oh, it SHOULD be tomorrow") that I called to have delivered FOURTEEN DAYS AGO, then the day will be complete.

Or maybe I can call the college and have them put me through to some random voice mail that goes to no real person in existence so I can leave yet another message that won't get answered, asking why I cannot register for classes this spring because "they" say I did not pay some random made-up "charge" or "fee" that was tacked on to my account AFTER I paid all my tuition and fees last semester and that I shouldn't owe and that I never heard about until I got online to register for classes a month or so ago. Maybe, just maybe, if I were able to talk to a REAL LIVE PERSON, someone could explain this all to me. But I'm not getting anywhere in the Voice Mail Void to which I keep getting connected. So it appears I am going to have to waste my time and gas money, and haul all three of the children to the college with me so they can scream and generally annoy everyone in a two-mile radius while I track down a living, breathing person to try and fix this. BIG SIGH.

One of those options would make the day that much better. But both would just be awesome. She says with as much sarcasm as possible.